If you or your spouse are contemplating divorce, I'm going to reveal the number one thing you can do to stack the deck right out of the gate for a huge financial payoff at the end of the case. And the best part is, it's easy. Anyone can do it. And then I'm going to reveal three incomprehensibly stupid things that clients and their knucklehead lawyers do time and time again to squander this opportunity so you don't make the same costly mistakes. So what's the secret? Win the race to the courthouse and file your case first. As the plaintiff, you get to control the order of the presentation.

As the plaintiff, you get to control the order in which the witnesses are called. You can focus the court's attention on the issues that are beneficial and help your case the most. Now the reason why this matters is it's far easier to create a first impression than it is to undo it. Far easier to convince the judge to accept your version of the fact than to change their mind after the fact. It's not rocket science. It's human psychology.

People tend to form our opinions quickly, and then we seek out information that confirms those opinions. It's called confirmation bias. And the laws of human confirms those opinions. It's called confirmation bias, and the laws of human psychology apply equally to judges as they do anyone else. So if you have the opportunity to present your side of the story first, it's a huge tactical advantage.

Next, filing first also means that you can anticipate your opponent's arguments ahead of time and actively undermine them before they go on the attack. Now the truth is not every issue is gonna go your way. Divorce is kind of in some ways like basketball. When the Celtics and the Lakers face off, one team's gonna win, but even the losing side is gonna score some points. Same here.

So if you know the issues in the areas where you're vulnerable and you know where the attack is coming from, tackle the issue head on and put your own spin on it to deny them the big reveal that they crave. Plus, because you control the order of the presentation, you can bury the harmful stuff in the middle when the judge's attention span is waning and then redirect the court's attention to an issue that helps you right before you close. Next, even if the case doesn't proceed to trial, by filing first, you're gonna have a significant advantage going into a settlement conference because you know if push comes to shove, you're gonna occupy the tactical high ground, which means you can be all the more confident and all the more aggressive when negotiating a resolution to the case.

Now all of this, of course, assumes that the attorney representing you is an effective trial lawyer. I mean, what good's a kitchen full of ingredients if you don't know how to cook? But for better or for worse, most family lawyers focus on mediation and collaboration.

And when it comes to taking a case to trial, they're not very good at it. So if you're watching this video and you're bemoaning the fact that it's already too late, as long as you hire a highly effective trial lawyer, you can still sleep tight knowing that you can still turn it around and come out on top. This also, incidentally, explains why so many family lawyers downplay the significance of filing first and don't give the issue the urgency it deserves because they lack the killer instinct and thereby fail to appreciate its significance.

So if the case hasn't been filed and you still have the time and the opportunity to lock in these advantages, winning the race to the courthouse and filing your case first is the smartest thing you can do, especially in a high net worth case. Now you're really gonna wanna pay attention here for this next part because I'm about to reveal the three in comprehensively tragic mistakes that litigants make time after time that hits them in the wallet harder than they're ever gonna wanna know. First, you never run your mouth and tell your spouse that they're about to get served. Now back in World War two, there was an expression, loose lips sink ships.

Okay? Same concept applies here. When I hear some knucklehead tells their spouse that they're about to get served and they call my office for a consultation, I say bullshit. I will drop everything to make damn sure that they get served first.

I can't tell you how many times that exact situation is played out. In fact, quite often, it's the very fact that they ran their mouth and told their spouse that they were about to get served is the whole reason why they called me in the first place. Now get this. The ironic part is after they get served, they come to my website and watch this video, like right now.

Gotcha. So as soon as you hire me, your job is to keep quiet, make yourself scarce, and act like nothing out of the ordinary is happening. And then as soon as the marshal shows up and serves the paper, boom, it's game over. Pour Pour the champagne and celebrate the win because you, my friend, are the plaintiff.

Next, if you know there is a marshal actively out there looking for you and sometimes that's the case, you know the race is on, forget in hand service. Serve the summons abode, and I'll explain what that means. In Connecticut, there are two ways to initiate a divorce, serving the defendant in hand or serving it abode at the place where they live. That's what abode service is, serving it at the place that they live.

And either way, checks the box. Now most divorce lawyers, when they initiate the divorce, they tell the marshal that they want the defendant served in hand. And in Connecticut, my opinion, that's a huge mistake. Because while the other guy is running around trying to hunt down my client, my marshal is making a beeline straight for the house.

And once he drops those papers, the race is over, we win. Now I'm not saying that there aren't reasons why, all things being equal, when you might prefer to serve someone in hand. And in some state, that's exactly what you may have to do. But the smart lawyer knows, serve the summons abode first, and then if you really wanna serve them in hand, serve them a second time after the fact.

So many lawyers screw that one up. Now the third big mistake is procrastination.

Holding off on filing because you're wrestling with feelings of guilt or maybe you're hoping that you and your spouse might be able to work it out. Look. I get it. It's not an easy decision.

But while you're sitting on the fence, you know, thinking it over, your spouse may be on the phone talking to someone like me. And if that happens, then they will take the initiative. They will get proactive, and they will lock in the benefits that could have been yours had you acted sooner. And while you're taking your time to thinking it over, your husband might be stringing you along and using the time to hide his assets in anticipation of the divorce.

This is your opportunity to stop that. File the case, lock in your position as the plaintiff, and then you wanna take a stab at working things out, you can put the divorce on hold. In fact, getting served with divorce papers might even be the glass of cold water that your spouse needs to take the situation seriously for once. And after you file, you have plenty of time to go to couples counseling and determine whether the two of you can still work it out.

But if it doesn't work out, and often it doesn't work out, you've still locked in your position as the plaintiff. You haven't lost your place in line, and you won't be starting the process from scratch if you decide to initiate it again, which means that you and your kids will be able to move on from this unfortunate chapter to a better and much more promising tomorrow that much sooner.