A divorce can become especially contentious when your spouse suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder. Here are 10 things you need to know when divorcing a narcissist. First, negotiating with a narcissist can be difficult as they're highly manipulative. They refuse to deal in good faith and they tend to view compromise as weakness.

Alternative dispute mechanisms like collaborative divorce and early stage mediation simply will not work. When you step up to the bargaining table with a narcissist, you need to establish clear parameters, be prepared to stand firm and above all, show that you're ready and prepared to proceed to trial. Second, narcissists will often use deceit and emotional manipulation to secure an unfair advantage in the case. If something he says bothers you, or you find something he said particularly upsetting, whatever you do, don't let him know what it is.

If you do, he's going to zone right in on it. Maintain a straight poker face. And keep them guessing. Third, a person with a narcissistic personality disorder will often try to negotiate directly with you to circumvent someone like me.

Don't let him do it. If you don't have kids, cut off all direct forms of non essential communications. If there's something he needs to say, he can tell it to me, which I can guarantee is the last thing he wants to do. If, on the other hand, you're a parent and you have to communicate whenever possible, limit your communications to writing, preferably using a specialized communications app like Our Family Wizard that can't be manipulated.

Fourth, speaking of kids, co parenting with a narcissist, no walk in the woods. Take steps as quickly as possible to get a court ordered parenting plan in place, complete a parenting education course, and if appropriate, consider filing an emergency application for custody. Fifth parental alienation. It's a serious problem.

And unfortunately, parents with narcissistic personality disorder will all too often try to turn the kids against you. If this happens, consider quickly engaging the services of a guardian ad litem to protect your Children's interest. And if you have the financial means, you'd be well advised to consider engaging a forensic psychologist to perform a comprehensive custody evaluation. Sixth, a person with narcissistic personality disorder will often escalate the conflict in a bid for intimidation and control.

For this reason, it is important that you remain composed, document your interactions meticulously, keep a journal if you have to, and don't hesitate to get your attorney involved as soon as problems arise. Seventh, Someone with narcissistic personality disorder will almost certainly attempt some form of dirty tactics, both in and out of court. To counter this, you need to establish a zero tolerance policy, set the tone early on, and be prepared to aggressively seek sanctions when appropriate. When divorcing a narcissist, it's critical that you retain an aggressive trial lawyer who excels in high conflict divorce.

Eighth, you're almost certain to have significant disputes over money and property as people with narcissistic personality disorder have a grandiose sense of entitlement. Now this in turn can lead to unrealistic financial demands or may entice him to try to conceal his assets. If you have the financial means and you think this is happening, Consider retaining a forensic accountant to trace the money, uncover hidden assets to ensure a fair and equitable outcome. Ninth, divorce is hard enough, but divorcing someone with a narcissistic personality disorder can be over the top.

Set aside some time to clear your mind, take a break from the litigation. Consider seeking professional counseling, maintain contact with your friends and family, and consider joining a support group with people who've shared and overcame contested divorces with narcissistic spouses. Finally, professions that offer power, prestige, or high visibility to people with narcissistic traits, business owners, money managers, corporate executives, doctors, lawyers, entertainers, all of these professions provide the external validation, attention, and admiration that individuals with narcissistic personality disorder.

Unfortunately, it also means that these high functioning narcissists in position of power often have the financial means to unfairly perpetuate the litigation, drag you through the mud and try to wear you down. Don't let him get away with it. You deserve to be treated fairly. Divorcing someone with a narcissistic personality disorder may be challenging in the short term, but if you dig in, fight back, and weather the storm when the clouds part and the sun shines through, both you and your kids will be so glad you did.

Divorcing a narcissist? Request a free consultation today.